


counter all your quick remarks

by awesomeaislin



Series: Carry On Countdown 2018 [22]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: DEC 16 - Revenge, GUYS, M/M, Somehow super fluffy for the prompt, guess who started writing early
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-19 21:02:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17009142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesomeaislin/pseuds/awesomeaislin
Summary: Simon and Baz get themselves into a prank war. Penny can't believe the has to put up with this nonsense."It’s getting bad though. This prank war of theirs is even starting to disrupt classes, and everyone around them is on edge waiting for the next shoe to drop. (They get a bit violent when the other one strikes (When Simon stole all of Baz’s right shoes, Baz literally set Simon’s tie on fire.))And, of course, Simon expects me to go along with this, and help him even."





	counter all your quick remarks

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who actually did this the night before (and then didn't look at it again bc she was exhausted from her 5k)

**PENELOPE**

There’s nothing I can do but watch as it all escalates rather quickly. Simon swears the first one was an accident, and  _ Baz  _ is the one who is taking this out of hand. But, really, whose fault it is is anyone’s guess. It’s probably both of their faults. The problem is that they’re too keen on revenge. 

 

It’s getting bad though. This prank war of theirs is even starting to disrupt classes, and everyone around them is on edge waiting for the next shoe to drop. (They get a bit violent when the other one strikes (When Simon stole all of Baz’s right shoes, Baz literally set Simon’s tie on fire.))

 

And, of course, Simon expects me to go along with this, and help him even. 

 

“Why is your petty prank war any of my business?” I ask. I mean genuinely I’m curious. At what point does this whole dread companion thing happen to be a step too far? I’m saying now. (It’s hardly my fault he’s run out of prank ideas.)

 

“Because we’re friends,” Simon exclaims, “And he’s evil, and he’s making my life a nightmare. Last night when I tried to go to sleep he let an actual living snake loose into my bed. I could have  _ died _ , Penny.”

 

I look at Agatha hoping for some backup, but she seems to be pointedly ignoring the whole thing. Maybe I’d be better off following her lead. 

 

“Honestly Simon,” I complain, “This is all so dumb shouldn’t you just stop.”

 

“But then he’ll win,” Simon says as if that’s the worst possible outcome. 

 

“You’re being insane,” I roll my eyes because he is. 

 

I mean I imagine having Baz as your ‘mortal enemy’ must be difficult. He’s clever and competitive and stubborn. But I swear in the movies heroes and villains don’t spend this much time in miniscule, juvenile competitions.

 

“I was thinking of dying his hair,” Simon continues as if I’ve just okayed his plan. I guess there’s no stopping the crazy train. 

 

But I at least should make sure it doesn’t get Simon murdered, “That’s a step too far.”

 

“Penny, he keeps making it so that my shoes magically tie together,” He whines. “I’m hardly the one taking it too far. If anything I’m taking rational steps to enact revenge for the wrongdoings he’s done to me!”

 

“Simon, if you touch his hair, he is one hundred percent going to kill you,” I warn him. 

“He does have rather pretty hair,” Agatha chimes in ( _ rather unhelpfully, if I do say so myself. (Simon is worse jealous.)). _

 

“Ok, what if I dyed all of his clothes pink,” Simon suggests. 

 

It’s probably the least damaging thing that Simon is going to come up with, so I just shrug. If it blows up it’s hardly my fault. 

 

**AGATHA**

The whole thing is ridiculous, and I keep ending up being there when it happens. So every time there’s a development, guess who’s around for the fallout?

 

Honestly, it’s very Ithirdwheely being anywhere near them. They’re so obsessive and vindictive and ridiculous. It’s like anytime one of them enters the room the other gets a blip on their radar and suddenly nothing else registers. 

 

It’s always,  _ ‘Agatha, do you think Baz is plotting my downfall as we speak?”  _ or ‘ _ Penny, what’s the best way to stop Baz without breaking the anathema?’  _ or ‘ _ Why the fuck is he staring at me?’ _

 

I knew this was going to end badly. And I’m not surprise when I see what I think is a full out brawl happening in the courtyard. 

 

Or wait? They’re not? What?

 

**SIMON**

I don’t know what I was thinking with this prank war. It’s not like we’re evenly matched. In terms of stubborness, sure they’re definitely even. But in terms of creative evil energy I’m definitely at a loss. 

 

To be fair, Baz has been practicing for years. Now he’s just actively trying to outdo me, and he’s awfully good at it. 

 

But I will not give up. Every time I even so much as consider it, Baz does something especially evil, and I just has to get revenge. 

 

Yesterday, Baz took every pair of my socks and cut holes in every pair. Now every pair of shoes I wear is uncomfortable. It’s the sheer evilness of that one has been enough to keep me up all night just twitching and grumbling and plotting. (If it bothers Baz, he doesn’t say.)

 

This morning I think I’ve really pissed him off though. The pink clothes did turn out to be a great idea. ( _ Take that, Penny.) _

He’s fuming when I see him in the courtyard, and when he makes eye contact with me he growls. He shoves me over, but I pull him with me and suddenly I’m on top of him completely frozen. 

 

I didn’t plan this out. I don’t know what to do. Why don’t they warn you that prank wars end up like this? 

 

I’m leaning in before I realize it. 

**PENELOPE**

And then Simon kisses Baz, and the more shocking part is that Baz kisses him back, and even more weird Agatha is here and not even a little bit upset. 

 

I’m sorry, but is all of this some kind of elaborate prank on me.  _ No _ , I remind myself,  _ none of them are smart enough to pull that together.  _

**BAZ** **  
** At first I think it’s just another development of our prank war, that maybe Snow is just doing this to use it against me, but when he pulls back he’s grinning. 

 

“Truce,” He says through his smile. 

 

“I don’t know, Snow, I still have some tricks up my sleeve.” I don’t know where I stand, so I’m just waiting to see what happens next. Surely, this is all a trick, but Snow isn’t this smart or cruel.

 

“And there’s nothing I could do to persuade you?” He’s entirely too smug. I want to say no. I should say no. 

“Depends,” I smirk. 

 

And when he leans in again I know I’m a goner. 

 

Who knew revenge tasted so sweet?


End file.
